charlastan | TLV IC Inbox!

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"Hi! You've reached Stan Pines' computer phone box thing or whatever. Leave me a message and maybe if I care enough about what you've got to say I'll actually get back to you. I probably don't, but hey! Test your luck! (Followed by obnoxious laughter until the BEEP)"

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Alright, alright, lemme think.

[He doesn't have to think all that hard. He has a ton of these stories.]

You wanna hear about Jimmy Snakes? That's not one I tell a lot.

Yeah I'd love to hear about Jimmy Snakes. He sounds fun.

[says a guy who has turned into a snake at LEAST once]

[Jimmy Snakes would be a lot cooler if he could actually turn into one.]

So, Jimmy Snakes. He was the leader of this biker gang I got involved with out west when I needed a place to lay low for a while. Got my hands on a pair of wheels and a leather jacket, grew out my hair, and started doing real crime instead of all the petty theft and B&Es I did when I was a kid. Made a good amount of cash too, usually at least broke even - that's not the point though. The point is...Jimmy. That son of a bitch.

[He says it with the strangest reverence, as though Jimmy's the one who got away.]

He took a liking to me real fast. He paid attention to me, said all the right things, gave me stuff. When it was good, it was real good. I was his right hand man and climbed up the ranks from "new recruit" to "fucking the boss" quicker than you can say "Holy Terrible Idea!"

[BJ shuts his eyes dreamily, imagining Stan as a younger man in a biker jacket. He purrs nicely. Especially at all the crime, because nice.

But the story has to end sadly, so he opens his eyes and turns back to Stan to listen]

Wow. Even I know that's a shit idea. Baby!Stan had problems.

[Stan forces up an awkward laugh. Yep. That's sure one way of putting it.]

Yeah, I didn't know what the hell I was getting myself into. On top of that it was my first time fooling around with a guy and it all happened real fast. The guy had me wrapped around his finger and soon my whole life was about that jerk. I stuck around for a year, which was pretty much forever to me back then. Long enough for me to wonder if he was The One and that was just my life now.

[It feels ridiculous now, and Stan shakes his head.]

I started to smarten up though, see him for who he really was all along. He never liked it when I got too smart with him and we both said a lot of shit and I got all pissed off and left. I rode off in the middle of the night, got my car back, pawned off the bike, and got the hell outta dodge.

[A pause.] ...Wait, I think it was his bike. Sheesh, all these stories end in vehicle theft!

Edited 2020-07-17 04:59 (UTC)

He perks up, having been in enough unhealthy relationships of his own to recognize classic abuse tactics and coping mechanisms .

"Damn, Sexy, that's tough. You didn't hate yourself?"

[That catches him by surprise, and with all the patches in his memory it takes him a second to realize why. In his head, the two are mostly unconnected, with only a little overlap - one was a one-time incident and the other was a more constant state of being. He weighs exactly how honest he should be about the whole thing, and decides to go with a solid 75%.]

Of course I did, but I already hated myself! That jackass didn't need to jump to the top of my reasons why.

[He nods, and reaches down to pull a cowboy hat from a hidden pocket and set it on Stan's head]

Here we go. Lonely cowboy hearts' club. I dub thee an honorary member.

[Stan reaches up and wow, yep. That's a cowboy hat, right over his beanie.]

Where did you-- you know what, never mind.

[He doesn't need to know. It'll ruin the magic, and besides it's actually kind of...sweet? Stan's never sure what to do with sweet, even when he appreciates it (and he does, currently, appreciate it).]

Uh. ...Yee haw! About time it got made official!

[he chuckles, sad and a little dark.]

Good! Glad I don't have to be alone with my heartbreak and bad decision making!

[He hears the dark tone and does him the kindness of ignoring it and rolling with the bit.]

Nope! Us lonely cowboys gotta stick together with our terrible decisions! Long nights out on the open trail, far away from the ones that got away...if we didn't have each other we'd lose our minds out here, succumb to desert madness or something!

[he beams, very happy not to grumble about past woes.]

Exactly!

And hey, if one of us gets scared by a scorpion or a snake, he always can crawl into the other's sleeping bag in the middle of the night to protect him.

Uh-huh. [Very dry. He sees what you're doing, Betelgeuse.] Those guys are pretty small, y'know. What happens when it gets into the bag with both of us jammed in it?

Midnight snack?

[Stan breaks and laughs, and reaches up to playfully shove at him.]

Ugh, gross!

[he cackles, and shoves him right back]

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I swear I don't mean to hop between brackets and prose all the time

shhh it's fine it's all good

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