Location of Business: Corner of Chastain Way & Route 7 General Income: $$-$$$ Owner(s) Of Business: Mr. Murdery (Stanley Pines) Employees: TBA
Just on the edge of town, but not quite all the way on the edge of town, is a run down shack with glittery signs advertising something ominously called THE MURDER HUT. However, if you enter expecting a fight for your life, you will be sorely mistaken.
The Murder Hut is a tourist trap! It opens into a gift shop first and foremost, and from there you can join a tour group to see the real attraction - a room filled with strange and bizarre skeletons and taxidermy! Some of the monsters are recognizable as being from Deerington's strangeness, but others are straight from the mind of the one and only Mr. Murdery. The general atmosphere is somewhere between a side show and a haunted house, with an emphasis on the mysterious, goofy, and honestly anything he can make a half-decent pun out of. People who ask stupid questions about whether he actually commits murders will get stupid answers they'll deeply regret.
Tours are $15 a piece, and souvenirs vary! Check out extended business information for more!
"And here we have the most fearsome creature in all of Ancient Transylvania - the Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great uncle of the most famous bloodsucker himself, COUNT T-REXULA! Back in the day, vampires used to have tons of teeth and instead of biting two little holes in their victims' necks, they just CHOMPED down and drank it that way! Eventually they evolved to be a lot smaller, allergic to the sun, and only have the two pointy teeth - they're basically harmless compared to this guy!"
"This here is Darlene the Spider Queen, ruler of the ancient race of Spider People of Oregon! Back in the day, she and I had a fiery fling - at least until I learned she was looking to turn me into some kinda horrible mummy. Our romance was pretty much shot after that, but I'll never forget this horrible beauty!
What's that? You wanna know how she got here and ended up as a skeleton? ANYWAY, ONTO THE NEXT EXHIBIT--!"
"Behold, the WERE-HOG! One part man, two parts hog! On the full moon, as soon as the clouds part and moonlight shines down on the man, he start to change. He clutches his chest! He opens his mouth and from deep in his throat comes a truly unnatural sound - the rev of a motorcycle! The man twists and turns and contorts and snorts until he's this unholy abomination of metal, bone, and cheap wig hair!
...What? No, of course it doesn't work! What do I look like, a mechanic?! Sheesh!"
These aren't technically on the tour - they're on display in the gift shop when you go to buy souvenirs, and if asked about them Stan will proudly call them skullptures and he should 100% be booed for this. Do not reward this behavior.
[ooc: credit to Joseph Wheelwright, go check out more of his stuff. ]
He serves the drinks! And by the drinks, I mean the "Bone Lemonade" that Nora requested he sell.
(It's literally just bone broth in bottles with slices of lemon in it. $5 each, no free samples or refunds.) BONE BROTH DISCONTINUED AFTER OPENING WEEKEND
There are also bags of candy bones for sale for $1 each!
"And here we have the Murder Hut's first ever live exhibit! This here is Bona Lisa, one of the skeleton rats that was running around a few weeks ago. Is it magic? Is it zombies? Who knows, but she sure is a beauty ain't she?
...Anyway do yourself a favor and stay behind the line - I am not responsible or liable if any of you get bit."
[Bona Lisa has an appropriately sized cage and plenty of food, water, and things to play with and/or run around on. Stan has painted a red line on the floor six feet from the cage, to try and keep people from trying to touch Bona Lisa. She is from the Rabid Love promt from February.]
Currently the Murder Hut is open Thursday-Sunday, for however long Stan feels like being open. Monday-Wednesday you can probably find him there, but he's using the space to make more exhibits and stuff like that. He also reserves the right to take days off because capitalism is barely real in this weird little town anyway.
This thread is going to be for any unprecedented closures (AKA "Is the Murder Hut Open during X event?"). Stan may rearrange hours to accommodate things or he might not, depending how traumatic the thing in question was.
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charlastan) wrote2020-12-05 03:06 pm
CODE CREDIT
BETTER BUSINESS INFO
THE MURDER HUT
Location of Business: Corner of Chastain Way & Route 7
General Income: $$-$$$
Owner(s) Of Business: Mr. Murdery (Stanley Pines)
Employees: TBA
Just on the edge of town, but not quite all the way on the edge of town, is a run down shack with glittery signs advertising something ominously called THE MURDER HUT. However, if you enter expecting a fight for your life, you will be sorely mistaken.
The Murder Hut is a tourist trap! It opens into a gift shop first and foremost, and from there you can join a tour group to see the real attraction - a room filled with strange and bizarre skeletons and taxidermy! Some of the monsters are recognizable as being from Deerington's strangeness, but others are straight from the mind of the one and only Mr. Murdery. The general atmosphere is somewhere between a side show and a haunted house, with an emphasis on the mysterious, goofy, and honestly anything he can make a half-decent pun out of. People who ask stupid questions about whether he actually commits murders will get stupid answers they'll deeply regret.
Tours are $15 a piece, and souvenirs vary! Check out extended business information for more!
CURRENT EXHIBITS
COUNT T-REXULA
"And here we have the most fearsome creature in all of Ancient Transylvania - the Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great uncle of the most famous bloodsucker himself, COUNT T-REXULA! Back in the day, vampires used to have tons of teeth and instead of biting two little holes in their victims' necks, they just CHOMPED down and drank it that way! Eventually they evolved to be a lot smaller, allergic to the sun, and only have the two pointy teeth - they're basically harmless compared to this guy!"
DARLENE THE SPIDER QUEEN
"This here is Darlene the Spider Queen, ruler of the ancient race of Spider People of Oregon! Back in the day, she and I had a fiery fling - at least until I learned she was looking to turn me into some kinda horrible mummy. Our romance was pretty much shot after that, but I'll never forget this horrible beauty!
What's that? You wanna know how she got here and ended up as a skeleton? ANYWAY, ONTO THE NEXT EXHIBIT--!"
WERE-HOG
"Behold, the WERE-HOG! One part man, two parts hog! On the full moon, as soon as the clouds part and moonlight shines down on the man, he start to change. He clutches his chest! He opens his mouth and from deep in his throat comes a truly unnatural sound - the rev of a motorcycle! The man twists and turns and contorts and snorts until he's this unholy abomination of metal, bone, and cheap wig hair!
...What? No, of course it doesn't work! What do I look like, a mechanic?! Sheesh!"
SKULLPTURES
These aren't technically on the tour - they're on display in the gift shop when you go to buy souvenirs, and if asked about them Stan will proudly call them skullptures and he should 100% be booed for this. Do not reward this behavior.
[ooc: credit to Joseph Wheelwright, go check out more of his stuff. ]
BONE BUTLER (Refreshments)
He serves the drinks!
And by the drinks, I mean the "Bone Lemonade" that Nora requested he sell.
BONE BROTH DISCONTINUED AFTER OPENING WEEKEND(It's literally just bone broth in bottles with slices of lemon in it. $5 each, no free samples or refunds.)
There are also bags of candy bones for sale for $1 each!
BONA LISA - Added Late February
"And here we have the Murder Hut's first ever live exhibit! This here is Bona Lisa, one of the skeleton rats that was running around a few weeks ago. Is it magic? Is it zombies? Who knows, but she sure is a beauty ain't she?
...Anyway do yourself a favor and stay behind the line - I am not responsible or liable if any of you get bit."
[Bona Lisa has an appropriately sized cage and plenty of food, water, and things to play with and/or run around on. Stan has painted a red line on the floor six feet from the cage, to try and keep people from trying to touch Bona Lisa. She is from the Rabid Love promt from February.]
CURRENT SOUVENIRS
MR. MURDERY
Plus, his cane, the Red Herring, is a concealed gun cane with a bird skull on top!
INQUIRIES
HOURS AND CLOSINGS
This thread is going to be for any unprecedented closures (AKA "Is the Murder Hut Open during X event?"). Stan may rearrange hours to accommodate things or he might not, depending how traumatic the thing in question was.
FEBRUARY 2021
JANUARY 2022
FLOOR PLAN