charlastan | STICKS AND BONES INBOX

[Don't say that, Stan, who knows when you might be in a rough position to cauterize someone wounds. Dipper decided to seriously pick up healing after this entire mess, where Siffrin's abilities just weren't enough. You never know!]

[Regardless of where they might be standing, this conversation plays out loud and clear. Another tell that it's something Dipper has hung onto out of all of this. Dipper proposes they do something "kinder" for them after a tense silence. Siffrin reacts ...probably like any sane person might.]

[The conversation will tell Stan quite a lot. One, that Dipper says he's sixteen in two weeks, so that's a fun tidbit he might not have put together yet, but more importantly, Dipper tries to impress upon Siffrin that he's capable of handling the deed, and that he shouldn't worry because of how fucked up he already is.]

[Siffrin calls this out like a proper adult and when Dipper kind of realizes his own words, it hits him like a truck. They stale mate with the ultimatum Sif offers, but then Dipper ultimately decides to make the choice. He gets up and walks out. The scene here pauses for a few reasons. Mostly, because Memory Dipper going outside means he doesn't know what happens next beyond what he can assume. He never watched Siffrin do the deed, but also it seems like.]

[Like maybe Dipper isn't quite ready to move on yet. He's staring forward with his fists tightly clenched and he is trying so hard to hold back tears that he's shaking.]

[The memory halts without anywhere else to go, and Dipper is shaking under his hand. Stan wonders if Dipper really meant for him to see this part, but he's...well, glad isn't the right word. He's glad someone stopped Dipper from being a part of this and made him go outside where he couldn't see what was happening. He's glad someone took care of his family in his absence.

He's not glad about the rest, but it's painful and necessary. Dipper's given him a good look at a baseline for how he's been recently, probably by accident, and it will help him fix the corruption issues - even if he can't do it as fast as Mabel could.

He opens his mouth and shuts it, trying to find words. He should drag Dipper off, physically pull him away from all this, but...things are stopped right now. Maybe they need to stay stopped, for a moment. The least he can do though, is turn Dipper a little so he's looking at him and not the graphic scene frozen in front of them.]

...So, uh. Did I ever tell you what happened when I saw Cynthia, back in the dream?

[He didn't, actually. He can confidently say he didn't. He never brought up his choices, never asked the kids what theirs were. Sometimes it came up and he'd chime in with what he'd done when their choices matched up, but there were two he never spoke about - Cynthia and Sodder. He did the thing he always does where he talks just enough about something that no one realizes there are pieces he isn't sharing until the moment is long gone.

Fortunately, it isn't a long story. Stan takes a deep breath, rips the band aid off, and lets the truth linger in the air--]

--I didn't do it. I couldn't do it.

[That little warning about going inside definitely had more than one meaning, though he kind of knew it would be hard for him to dissuade Stan from wanting to know more. He'd agreed to this anyway, when he decided to open up about his corruption, and ignoring it when he's already showing signs would be more than just irresponsible, anyway.]

[So rationally, this is what should happen, it just hurts and Dipper wants to swallow it all down until it goes away, but he can't.]

[Seeing it the second time somehow makes it hit harder and that might be why he's threatening to fall apart. There's so much eating at him that he didn't even realize. He's afraid of becoming desensitized to horror, he's afraid he'll turn into someone he can't recognize, he's afraid of not keeping his shit together will make people look down on him, he's afraid of being left behind, he's afraid of disappointing Stan, and he's-]

[Stan suddenly has them face-to-face and that admission takes the air out of his lungs all over again.]

[It's true ...he never did find out what Stan did. He knew that Ford had done it, but somehow...]

...I did.

[He escapes him, barely. His voice making it clear he's still trying to hold it back.]

And I think about her every time I close my eyes- Grunkle Stan, I don't want to do this again.

[Take a look at Stan. Take a good look at him. He's not even a little disappointed. He's just worried, and maybe even ashamed of himself a bit, considering what he's admitting.]

You won't have to. Nobody's asking you to. Heck, that guy-- [Jerks a thumb behind him toward Siffrin's frozen form.] --kicked you out of here so you wouldn't!

[As tends to happen with Dipper-brand corruption, this is pressure he's putting on himself to some degree. That doesn't mean Stan didn't have some hand in it though, long distance.]

I...I dunno. She was miserable, and I've been miserable before, but. It was the difference between killing her and letting her wake up, and I thought...maybe she'd get a second chance waking up that she couldn't see. A chance to start over, y'know? Maybe she just needed to sleep until she woke up with the rest of us and could get up again.

[It's a side of Stan that he doesn't reveal as often - the side that holds the tiniest bit of Mabel-like optimism.]

But then, y'know. People were talking about what they did and a lot of people did what you did, Dipper. I know Ford did. So...I kept my mouth shut about it and let everyone think what they wanted about me.

[Everyone seemed to think killing her was the right way to go, so Stan didn't need anyone acting like he wasn't able to make these calls, just because he's a bleeding heart who said no when a woman begged for death. So he kept his mouth shut about his choices unless they were popular ones.]

Anyway, uh... [Stan sighs, feeling like he's losing the point here.] ...I guess what I mean is. Maybe if I'd said something back when it happened, you wouldn't think you had to jump to it as the only choice. Or feel like you had to be the one to do it, or whatever. ...Because, you don't.

[That really is what it comes down to. Dipper wrapped him self up again in his self-imposed personal responsibility, and made himself make a difficult choice when he shouldn't have had to at his age. While killing Cynthia had often been lauded as the correct choice, it still had no business being put in his hands. The same could be said of Julia's fate, too.]

[Hearing Stan admit the reason he couldn't do it- of course he couldn't, because Stan was that kind of person, wasn't he? That maybe he'd related to her more than anyone else in their family. It makes sense having it spelled out like that. Maybe he could have heard it sooner, but he's happy to hear it now, and it's startling just how big that feels.]

[It's okay for him to walk away from that choice. That fear he has of the choice becoming too easy for him, that he'll lose the weight of having to make that choice, doesn't have to come to pass because it simply shouldn't be his responsibility to begin with. It's okay.]

[A feather slips from his hair ...and then another. Dipper feels a storm of emotions that feels so much bigger than he is suddenly, grief for something he's been holding onto for years. He just simply can't hold it together any longer, and he finds he just doesn't want to anyway. It's just the two of them here. ]

[He chokes out the sob finally, something ugly and loud, while the upset tears just flow unbidden. Siffrin may have been the one to put the crack in the wall, but the dam is good as gone now.]

It wasn't fair-

[He says it between sobs, like a truth he's only just now uncovered.]

[Of course he was that kind of person. If he lets himself think and remember, he can still see her too. Sobbing about how she can't do this anymore, she can't save anyone, and how her life was never supposed to be this way. He shouldn't have been able to relate, but he knows what it's like to be doing something over and over and feel like it doesn't matter at all.

He's still not used to just saying things like that, and especially not in front of people who care about him. But...maybe what he's said already is enough here, for right now.

The dam bursts and Stan opens his arms and pulls Dipper into a tight hug, patting him on the back.]

Yeah. Yeah, I know. You shouldn't've had to.

[It's not fair and fucking life isn't fair, but it's so hard to watch someone he's basically been raising learn that lesson in real time. For decades Stan's been quick to point out that life sucks and it isn't fair and everyone's out for themselves, and he's probably even said as much to Dipper in more flippant moments.

Life isn't fair...but he desperately wishes it was for Dipper's sake. And maybe with time stopped they can act like it could be, for just a second.]

She was going through it, but y'know what? She shouldn't even asked you! That never should've been on you, period.

[Honestly the more he thinks about it, the more it pisses him off. What kind of self-respecting adult begs for a kid to put them out of their misery?]

[Stan brings him in and Dipper just throws his arms around him and lets it all out, burying his face in his coat. It's a way more cathartic cry this time than the one he had when he saw Stan again.]

[Nothing was going to change the past, and he can't undo what he's already done. He isn't so sure if he would if given the option, because in spite of everything, it had been the right action to take, that he still believes, but ...]

[But for this moment, where it's just them and the world is frozen around him, he can grieve and be unhappy about the situation. He can be upset that he had to make the choice, and he can acknowledge how unfair it was, and that Stan is there to agree with him, and lay it out in front of him as a matter of course. It hadn't been fair, but life wasn't fair. That doesn't mean Dipper has to carry on like there's nothing he can do about it. He doesn't have to accept that he should just get used to it. All of this is proof that he doesn't want to become that sort of person, and that maybe he's still too young to even worry about that at all.]

[Stan's here now, so maybe he doesn't have to keep trying so hard to be an adult. He can put it off just a little bit longer.]

That's why...

[He pulls away, finally, voice hoarse and shaky.]

S'why I asked for PV to teach me healing magic. I didn't want this to happen again.

[Stan lets Dipper pull back. He'd let him have literally whatever he needs right now, but he nods and gives him a second to try and put himself back together. He's listening, but a little flutter of something black catches his eye, and he bends down to grab it.]

...Yeah. That's probably the right call. See?

[Stan holds his hand out and reveals what he grabbed - a few black feathers that pretty clearly weren't in the memory to start with, and aren't frozen with everything else in the memory.]

But--

[He baps Dipper in the forehead with the feathers!]

--don't go around acting like you have to play head doctor for everyone all the time once you get good at it, alright? Otherwise you're gonna wind up with even more of these. Got it?

[Bapped!!!]

[He makes such an indignant nephew noise at that. But wow! Look! Dipper runs his hands through his hair really quick and even more of them come loose.]

[oh...]

[While maybe he should be affronted that Stan so quickly called him out, he isn't. He's probably right if this entire mess is anything to go by. That Stan caught him so this fast knowing exactly what he'd probably do if his uncles weren't here, is pretty sobering.]

[But it makes him even more glad they are here. Dipper missed them both with his whole heart, so that's really what's going through his mind when Stan "scolds" him for what are genuinely Dipper's documented worst habits.]

[He goes back in for the hug again, this time with less grief-riddled sobbing.]

Yeah. Got it. ...Thanks, Grunkle Stan.

[He thought there might be even more indignant nephew noises than that, but what do you know? Maybe Dipper did grow up a little.

This hug is nicer, more sincere. The kind of thing Stan would pick on him for because sincerity can get so uncomfortable so fast. For a second though, he gives Dipper a squeeze.]

Yeah. ...No problem, Kid.

[Then, with no warning at all he lifts Dipper right off his feet! Hoisting him right up like he's still twelve!]

Alright, alright, enough of all this! Anything else I need to know about here, or are we good on tears for tonight? We could go for a hat trick if you're really up for it!

[He's kidding, but he's also already carrying Dipper towards the temple door. YOU CAN'T STOP HIM DIPPER!!!!!]

H-Hey!

[Stan scoops him up so fast Dipper didn't have time to react. And- frankly it's been a while since someone picked him up like this when he wasn't in squid form (or Mizuki, come to think of it, with his massive jellyfish tentacles-) Ah...the thought had crossed his mind that he might be too big for his uncle to just carry around anymore. Sad...]

[BUT NO, APPARENTLY NOT! Stan just lifts him in the air like its nothing and Dipper has no choice but to accept his situation. Tiredly he just drops his head on Stan's shoulder.]

...No. No, I think we're good. I mean, after this we get sent somewhere else and I get to play target practice with a big armored deer centaur thing, but otherwise we get back okay.

[But instead of showing that off, because Dipper realizes Stan's heart might not take well to Dipper's illusion bait-and-switch with the warden, he sends them back home. The world around them greys out, ripples, and they return to Stan's inn room.]

[Of course Stan picked him up - he's going to keep picking him up until one day he accidentally breaks his back trying, and then he'll just bully Ford into building him something that can carry Dipper for him.

For now though, he unceremoniously plops Dipper on the bed once they're back, not at all because Dipper's heavier than he used to be, and sits down next to him - Dipper seems like he still might need a minute there.]

Heh. Who won, you or the deer?

[Not that Dipper needs to show him - it's just a playful invitation for Dipper to brag about it if he wants.]

[As he's dropped back onto bed, he will bring his knees up to rest his arms on. Puts his feet on Stan's bed unceremoniously.]

I did, definitely. A couple of really well aimed shots with the azure pine and it started to buckle like a crappy pitt can! And I guess the guy with the laser canon helped, too. It was mostly me.

[Wolfwood peeled that thing like an orange.]

We did manage to get Zahilya his swords back, too. Turns out he had an evil twin that stole them and wiped his memories of it. Us bumblehecking our way through his memories messed up her plans and we were able to get her to give them back.

STICKS AND BONES INBOX

Cw: death, gore, dismemberment etc

Cw: death, gore, dismemberment etc

no subject

cw: suicidal ideation from an NPC

cw: suicidal ideation from an NPC

cw: suicidal ideation from an NPC

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject